Take a Moment to Adjust Your Crown

Lately, I’ve been adjusting my crown and allowing my purpose to penetrate my inner-child. I have to unpack many emotions and relive experiences to be as authentic as I can. While it is very empowering, it is equally overwhelming having to push through some of the memories. But releasing it is much better than what I have done throughout the years, which is to bottle things up and internalize everything. I’ve always presented myself in a way that almost no one would perceive me to be as sensitive, hurt, or even insecure.

When I was younger, I thought crying was a sign of weakness instead of a way to cleanse out the agony. Today I wear it with a badge of honor because I have admitted to myself that I am not okay and that in itself is okay. Everyone has a moment or moments of doubt, transgressions, and bouts of sadness. How we cope, how we respond, and how we pick up the pieces is what matters.

Years ago, I was afraid to talk about going to therapy. I asked some family members what they thought about it before I ever admitted to going. I was met with a plethora of responses that did not necessarily support my mental health goals. However, I found that no matter what they said, I made a personal choice to begin my journey of healing. Really and truly, I did not need permission! I had a small circle of support who knew what I was doing a few Saturdays out of the month. I was proud that I went against the grain despite what I was told.

Unfortunately, we are taught the stigma behind mental health support and not enough about the benefits, especially in the black community. Growing up in a Caribbean household taught me that, “what happens in this house stays in this house,” muting the very voice that I am rediscovering today. There are too many trauma and survival responses and a lack of love. You lose sight of who you are when you’re constantly living through a survival lens. We as a people gain hereditary, societal traumas and generational curses. Sometimes it feels as though we are doomed from our very existence!

How do we break these curses? Great question! Well, I am starting with myself. I would love to pass down healing in my nuclear family. I am not striving for perfection, but I am striving to show that being down for too long does not have to be the end of my narrative and it is okay to not feel you’re the best every day. I am working on consistently being open to having hard conversations for my own closure, allowing the silence, and being aware of the toxicity passed down from generation to generation. I am actively taking steps each day towards at least one thing that pushes me further along in my healing journey or my personal happiness. IT IS NOT EASY!!!!! I am a work in progress. However, you may choose to heal, be safe and do what is conducive to you and not of those around you. Healing is a personal journey.

“I appreciate YOU”

Rayne

I’m going to leave you a few songs that help me on days where I don’t feel my best, by artists: Kehlani, Mary J. Blige, Tupac, & Jazmine Sullivan,