DADA

This weekend I struggled
I didn’t want it to be real
I wanted the nightmare from three months ago
to go back where it came from

I couldn’t call, mail a card, send pictures
Or celebrate briefly as we’ve always done
Instead this empty feeling
As my fingers twitched to dial your number
I forgot for a moment
That you were no longer here in the flesh

Sleep has been a blur
Vivid dreams and nightmares of everything
Restlessness at best
Emotions on an ultimate high
I don’t know how to deal with this grief

I’m functioning by the skin of my teeth
Telling myself each day is getting better
Only to relapse in a pool of tears
Questioning every moment leading up to that day
It hurts
My chest is heavy
I don’t know if it is my asthma or stress-induced chest tightening

I exist but the days pass me by
I am much less organized now
Celebrating basic things like showering,
Eating, or brushing my teeth
No routine just mere existence
If only there was more time to make the trip
Why didn’t I make another trip?

I don’t want to miss you
I’d rather you here
Even if it meant living miles away
It’s the “Hey Darling”
“Hmmm mmm”
“Okay Good”
“Call me back” when I’d miss your calls
Now I’m numb
No one else does that for me

As the tears fall
Nose congestion sets in
Heart palpitations steady
This is the day after the first Father’s Day without you!

Happy 1st Heavenly Father’s Day
“Dada“

RAYNE