Peace to 2021!

It has taken me months to find the energy to put pen to paper. Difficult to say the least! My mind was saying write but my heart deep down was not ready.

Grief is REAL, whether your grieving the death of someone, the termination of a relationship, starting anew in a place of the unknown, or simply rebuilding towards a path you have never taken before. Either way, grief is one hell of a thing. You never know which stage of grief will hit you first or how it will manifest into your life or situation. As a little girl, I only thought it applied to the death of a loved one but not anything more. As an adult, I realize the difference.

Today I finally found a moment where writer’s block did not take over and I didn’t feel like I was forcing myself to create a post. These last few months, let alone the past year have been extremely hard and stressful. While there are many things to be grateful for, it doesn’t negate all the trauma, eye-opening moments, and day-to-day dealings.

Although I am constantly on a path to heal, become a better version of myself; I realized how important it is to be in the moment. To face my pain, to face my joys, to face the reality in front of me irrespective of the dreams I am working towards. This year alone has been many losses, but I remain hopeful that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

My vision is no longer blurry and I know now what I have to do to take of myself first and then my family. They say when you hit rock bottom up is the only way out and I am going to do just that with the folks that are genuinely in my corner. I had to learn how to ask for help, how to stand in my vulnerability, and sit with my inner thoughts. As much as it hurts it is necessary for the woman I am becoming. Anyone that knows me well can attest that I don’t like to wear my emotions outright nor be a burden on others when my world is shattering. I kept asking, “who is there when the strong people get tired?” It often feels like a lonely world.

To me, it’s God, especially when your fellow man has all of their things to manage. I remember calling numbers and not being able to get through, tears rolling down my face thinking of who can I ask, and how. It became clear, leave it in God’s hands and rely on him more and lean not on my understanding.

Thank you to those who have checked on me, stuck with me during my writing drought, helped me process my emotions all while trying to survive the times we are currently living in. And much more!

I appreciate you! We appreciate you! Much love and I look forward to another year, month, day, and hour for tomorrow is never promised.

RAYNE