To Be a Mother!
No one ever explained that when you are on the path of starting your own family, there are so many emotions, recollections, and influences that arise. From disappointments, fears, happiness, uncertainty, joy, tears, and a plethora of emotions, I was about to be a mother! Wow!
I remember going to therapy and reflecting on the idea that I did not want to have children because of all the things that happened to me. I did not feel that I worked out my issues to what I would call close to perfection. My therapist reassured me of my capabilities and would not allow me to settle with fear. It dawned on me how much I wanted to keep my child from being exposed to family, friends, and the world, which I felt had failed and tough loved me at the same damn time. Somehow someway it made me the woman I am becoming today.
There were so many nuances that I already shut down at the mere thought of having a family. Like what if I wanted to throw everything away and disappear? I could no longer think that way, no longer give up, no longer allow all the things that have impacted me negatively to continue to control me. It was time I took a stance for what I deserve. The environment and temperament of a home where I was choosing to raise my son was now my focus!
- What is a girl to do?
- What should I think?
- How do I heal?
- How do I break these generational curses?
- Will I have a support system?
No one warned me of how much it would be a fight to use my voice and feel comfortable doing so. I had to learn and I am still a work in progress on utilizing my strengths and talents against those who were comfortable keeping me in the box they designed for me to fail. But I was determined that would not be the end of my story.
“Stand up for yourself, keep your head held high, tell people how you feel, role model this for your son, and for the sake of being the matriarch of the family that you have co-created.” Inner thoughts as I inhale and exhale. Time to unapologetically be me, even if it is at the expense of showing others how I need to be valued, boundaries!
I will protect what is mine.
I will nurture what is mine,
I will love what is mine.
That is my job!
I do not own the rights to this music, but once I learned about my son, this song became magic for me! Shout out to Queen Naija!!!!
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